


Because Lovers Sometimes Wait

by broken_hearted_bard



Series: What Has Been Said Cannot Be Unsaid [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode: s03e08 Lovers Walk, F/M, M/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3957322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_hearted_bard/pseuds/broken_hearted_bard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one-shot rewrites the end of Lover's Walk a little, and there are three very important re-write facts that you need to know, going forward.</p><p>1) In this fiction, there have been no cheating smoochies between Xander and Willow AT ALL until the Lovers Walk episode.<br/>2) Xander and Cordelia broke up weeks ago.<br/>3) For this fiction, let us suspend disbelief a little bit more and say that Xander was gravely injured during Lovers Walk - that Spike sliced open his side with the broken bottle at some point during the time in the Factory.</p><p> </p><p>Xander's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because Lovers Sometimes Wait

_Lovers Walk..._

The world was going gray around him. He could feel himself drifting away, going hazy and flying above them. They were laying on the bed, and he had one hand pressed to his side. He could smell his own blood as it soaked the bedspread and sheets underneath him. He shifted slightly and groaned -- a painful moan.

"Shhh, shhh," Willow said softly. "It's going to be okay Xander, it's going to be okay."

Xander looked over at her, her eyes shining with unshed tears, her face pale, haloed in her sheared red locks. He smiled gently. "I need you to do something for me," he said softly.

She nodded and moved to hover over him. "What is it?"

"Kiss me," he said. He stared at her eyes, lowered his gaze to her mouth. He just had to know.

She began to cry. "Xander..." she said softly. "You're going to be okay. We'll get out of here, get you to a hospital. Please."

He laughed quietly, mirthlessly. "I can feel myself dying, Wil," he commented.

She took a deep breath and pressed her lips to his. It felt odd, until his lips began to move under hers. He captured her lips with his for several moments. Before he moved away, before hearing the sound of the door burst open, he tugged her bottom lip into his mouth and sucked. He let her go, but closed his hand around her wrist.

As he passed out from blood loss and pain, he heard the sound of Oz's voice.

"I guess you didn't need rescuing after all," Oz said from the doorway.

*******

_Two Weeks Later_

The room was still and far too bright. Xander blinked once, twice and then opened his eyes. He began to sit up and then realized he couldn't. He couldn't feel his body -- his legs, his torso. He raised one arm carefully and then the other. Okay, good - arms, check. Neck, check. Head, check. Everything else was just....weighty and ghost-like, like parts of his body weren't there.

He shook his head, shrugged off the impending panic and looked around the room.

Hospital room. Daylight. Sterile, with the scent of antiseptic and machines. He was hooked up to an IV and in a hospital gown. Weird. He swallowed, hard. Water, please water. He looked around wildly for a moment and finally noticed -- Oz leaned against the doorjamb.

Oz raised an eyebrow and came further into the room. He crossed his arms. Xander looked away.

"Why'd you do it?" Oz asked quietly.

Xander sighed. "I...I'd like to give you an explanation. Really, I would. But...I sort of need some answers first, myself. If you wouldn't mind, I mean, I get you could mind, but I'm flying blind here, ya know?" Xander looked back over at Oz's face.

Oz frowned. "What answers?"

"What day is it? Why am I here? Did Spike succeed? Did Willow not explain?" Xander asked hurriedly.

"You've been here two weeks. You...lost too much blood. You were in a coma. No, Spike didn't succeed. He's gone. She kind of did, yes," Oz replied. He shuffled his feet, moved closer to the bed, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Are you in love with her?"

Xander's eyes went wide. "No. God, man. No." He rubbed his hands over his face. "Can you get me some water?"

Oz reached over, poured a cup of water from the pitcher, plunked a straw in it and handed it to Xander.

Xander drank deep, then sighed, put the cup down and looked back up at Oz. "Two weeks?" Xander asked.

"Yeah. Willow's been doing your homework. Making it seem like it was from you. No one but the Scoobies know how bad you were - your parents haven't visited. Sorry," Oz explained.

"It....it's okay. Thanks," Xander replied.

Oz looked pointedly at Xander. "So?" he asked.

"Look. She was crying and I....I thought I was dying. It didn't mean anything profound or...other, I swear. I...." he trailed off.

"You asked her to kiss you and she did," Oz said.

"Yes. Okay, yes. But...it was....solace. A comfort-thing. Not a.....not a let's-get-it-on thing. I was...wounded. Badly. Things were...cloudy. And unreal. And everything hurt and I....just needed to know..." Xander felt as though he was failing at explaining, but Oz was nodding, so it must have meant his words were making sense.

"Alright. But....why'd you need to kiss her?" Oz asked.

Xander made a sound halfway between a growl and a laugh. "I didn't," he said finally.

Oz nodded and shrugged one shoulder.

"Please, I don't wanna get into this, it's okay. I don't love her like that. She's my best friend. My soulmate in a best-friend kind of way. I'm not attracted to her. Really. I love her like a sister, and yeah...that has all kinds of gross connotations since I kissed her, but...really, it was all wrapped up in the whole dying thing, I swear," Xander rambled.

"There's clearly a why, here, though. I'd like to know. Willow and I talked it through. We're not....fine, yet, but...we will be. So...I'd like you and I to be fine too. I need to know, Xand." Oz shuffled his feet again.

Xander sighed. This was the secret he kept, the thing that kept him awake at night and miserable during the day. He never, ever wanted Oz to know. But....he'd kissed Oz's girl. He knew it, and underneath it all he understood he had to come clean. He just didn't want to. Who would?

"I asked her to kiss me while I lay dying because...." he trailed off. Took a deep breath. Said it fast. "Because she spends so much time kissing you and I knew it was the closest I'd ever get."

Oz's eyes widened. The shock registered for about a minute, and then he was nodding. "I thought maybe you were in love with her," he said quietly. "I can understand that - I could have understood that. I mean, she's Willow."

Xander nodded and resisted the urge to cover his face with his hands. 

"But...it's me?" Oz asked - his voice laced with surprise and bafflement.

"Uh. Yeah," Xander confessed. "It's...complicated."

"Oh?" Oz sat down in the chair next to the bed. 

"Before...before we all met you, knew you, I had a major crush on Buffy. Even tried....I was possessed by a Hyena for a while - the spirit of a Hyena - and...things went...badly wrong. But I held on to my crush for a while. Only....it stopped feeling real. Like, I was using it to protect myself - Cordy, too. Not good. So....but....then we all met you, and things just....clicked into place for me. And....the Hyena? It's still in me, just....only a bit of it. It recognized you, you know, as....animal to animal, I guess. And that made it all the more complicated because the hyena really, really wants a pack. A home. To....belong. But I....didn't. We don't belong, you know, to you. Willow does. So...I thought I was dying, and it was the closest....Willow-lips. Were the closest I could get. I'm....I'm sorry, Oz." The speech was long and tiring and made Xander want to go back to sleep.

"Okay." Oz stood back up. "That all sounds really messed up, Xand."

"Yeah. Well. This is the life of....me," Xander said softly. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes. He blinked rapidly.

"I need to....go. Does Willow know?" Oz asked.

"No. I've never told anyone. Any of it. I'm so sorry, Oz," Xander said.

Oz nodded.

"So, what do we do now?" Xander asked.

"I don't know," Oz replied.

************************

 

END


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